Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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