I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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