The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
