my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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