Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
