shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
