the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
