FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
