I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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