the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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