U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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