i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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