I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
