just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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