life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
