im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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