I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
