brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
