Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
