you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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