i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
