If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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