Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
