I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
