nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
