You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The power of my boobs compel you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
