to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I checked into jail on foursquare
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
