OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
