He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
