Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
