Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
