Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
