she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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