i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
