Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
