Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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