Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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