If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
