I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
