Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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