i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
