I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
