so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Who died my cat blue again?
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