can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
