At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
