she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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