Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
