if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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