i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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