We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
