Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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