tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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