Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
