you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
